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SteveNSoCal SteveNSoCal is offline
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Default New Hire GoogOrientation GoogleCues 1-4 - 07-17-2014, 10:19 PM

New Hire GoogOrientation GoogleCues Page 1.

Welcome to GoogleLand. It's like no other place on Mother Earth.

How did you all enjoy your first GoogleBus experience? I bet you never thought you'd really ride on a Rainbow, right?

(Pause to allow for chuckles from new GoogleFam Members)

Here at Google, we don't demean our fellow persons with words such as employee, staff, or team member. You are free to introduce yourself to others as you wish. When referring to others within the GoogleFam, we ask that you restrict your labels to the following:

1. GoogleFam

2. Brothers and Sisters

3. The Enlightened

4. The Anointed

5. World Saviors

6. GoogleLuvs

7. Rainbow Healers

We start off all GoogleGathers with Meditation and Yoga. Being in a higher state of consciousness is imperative. We can never risk encounter with Dear Leaders Brin and Page outside of proper GoogleChi. Here is your official GoogleTation mat.

(Conclude Spiritual Exercises with Namaste)

This is our GoogleLand GoogleBus stop. Are you GoogleEnjoying yourself yet?

(Pause for laughs and GoogleFam interactions).

This is your first opportunity to experience a GooglePlaySet. Please place your footwear and GoogleTation mats in the GoogleCubbies to your right.

New Hire GoogOrientation GoogleCues Page 2.

(Conclude GooglePlayTime with a GoogleCircleShare. Encourage GoogleFam to share their feelings about their time on the GoogleGym.)

(Dispense GoogleGreenTea and GoogleGrainBars)

Our Next Stop on the GoogleBus is our human compost station we call GooglePost. As you can see, we have over 2,000 GooglePoop Deposit Stations. Please choose one of the Blue, Red, Yellow, or Green GooglePoop Collection Stations and make your first deposit. In the past we had walls which closed off each GooglePoop Collection Station. Our GoogleForeFathers labeled each station by gender. We realize now how anti-progressive the closed stations were. We encourage every member of the GoogleFam regardless of age, age identity, race, race identity, gender, gender identity, spirit, spirit identity, etc. to share their GooglePoop deposit experience together.

Feel free to assist your fellow GoogleFam Members with wiping and washing as you wish. Each deposit station is interconnected through eco-friendly pipes which are Al Gore Designed, Certified, and Manufactured. In the center of the GoogleCircleOfLife you will notice a whirlpool which is the central collection pool. The pool is heated by solar panels at Mother Earth's optimal decomposition temperature of 35.78492 degrees Celsius. At our next stop GoogleBus stop you will see all the wonderful ways we use GooglePoop to help our Mother Earth and all its beautiful creatures.

New Hire GoogOrientation GoogleCues Page 3.

GoogleFam, we will now complete the guided GoogleBus Tour portion of our GoogOrientation.

Now that you are familiar with our GooglePost facilities and GoogleBlendWorldPool, we will share some of the miracles you will contribute to each time you make a deposit.

Please direct your attention to the activities taking place just outside of the right hand side of GoogleBus. As you can see we have gathered native people from all over the world to take part in our creative arts commune. We call this portion of GoogleLand "GoogleGreenArt". Our GoogleGreenArtists speak over 200 languages and 1,500 dialects. The statues you of Dear Leaders Brin and Page are over 80 Meters high and weigh more than 3 Million Kilograms each. They represent the largest structures ever constructed from human feces. The GoogleMasterSculpture's name is Pi. He is from originally from Belgium. As is the case for more GoogleGreenArtists, Pi is consumed by his life's work. If you encounter him within any GoogleLand Campus, we recommend you avert eye contact.

Just to the left of the statutes you will see the 2,500 to 1 scale Chromebook which is approximately 83.92% complete. The reflective GoogleGlass on the Chromebook has been the most difficult aspect of the project. GoogleBlend Engineers had to figure out a way to separate a specific protein from GoogleFam XX Chromosome Determined Female* produced urine compounds. The translucent opal tinge on the Chromebook GoogleGlass is a result of billions of liters of GoogleGulp Beta Drinks consumed by your fellow GoogleFam XX Chromosome Determination colleagues.

Note* The Google, Inc. patent pending engineering protocols which segment through biochemical processes GoogleFam XX Chromosome Determined Gender urine compounds from GoogleFam XY Chromosome Determined Gender urine compounds shall in no way be interpreted or construed as a preference by Google, Inc. or Google, Inc.'s Board of Directors in the use of gender specific urine produced through the GooglePost Processing Facilities.

New Hire GoogOrientation GoogleCues Page 4.

Please board GoogleBus so we can make our way to one of our most popular GoogleLand destinations.

Before I describe our next stop, I thought I would tell you a little more about GoogleBus. Can any of you guess how we fuel GoogleBus?

(Pause for responses)

That's right, GoogleBus is fueled by GooglePost Gases. In fact, we've added some of the deposits you made this morning to the GoogleGoGreen Engine fuel injection system within this GoogleBus.

We are now approaching our most cutting-edge GoogleLand destination. You are entering the most technically advanced city in the world. As the Vatican is a country within the boarders of Italy, GoogleCity is a city within GoogleLand. Many of Google's greatest minds live right here in GoogleCity. As you can see, all streets are paved in Red, Green, Yellow, and Blue. All buildings, homes, street signs, park benches, trees, pets, and even people are similarly colored in beautiful GoogleColors!

How do we color our GoogleFam within GoogleCity you might ask. Well, step outside and see for yourself!

Don't be alarmed GoogleFam. Your skin hasn't really turned GoogleRainbow. GoogleCity is actually covered by a 10 Square Kilometer Patent Pending GoogleGlassDome. I think I can read the minds of some of you GoogleFam Gender Identifying Females. The GoogleGlassDome is coated with patent pending GoogleFam XX Chromosome Determined Female produced urine extract.

Here is the source of the magic you are witnessing...The light from the Sun above the GoogleGlassDome prisms a GoogleRainbow which colors every square decimeter within GoogleCity in glorious GoogleColors. Isn't it just amazing?!

The beauty of GoogleColors is just the beginning of the story. In 2009, Dear Leaders Page and Brin funded a GoogleResearch Project to discover why GoogleFam scientists, engineers, artists, and professors are more intelligent and enlightened than their contemporaries within Silicon Valley. Why did Google vote for President Obama at a ratio of more than 60 to 1 in 2008, when the rest of the region only voted for our President 40 to 1? Why are there more electronic car charging stations within GoogleLand than the rest of the North American Continent? Why is Chelsey Lately the most watched late night program in Mountain View? Dear Leaders wanted to know why GoogleFam is so much more progressive and intelligent than people just a few kilometers away.

So, what were the results of the research completed by the GoogleResearch Project Team? Just look around and you can clearly see the answer. It's in the GoogleColors. There is much debate within GoogleFam about the origins of GoogleColors. Some say our Dear Leaders discovered the power of GoogleColors at Stanford. Others say Mother Earth brought Dear Leaders together to invent the GoogleColor Pattern, which for the record, is patent pending.

Already blessed with superhuman intelligence. Dear Leaders Page and Brin harnessed the mystical powers of GoogleColors to revolutionize Search. They have gone on to other miraculous breakthroughs in science, technology, and the arts. All these advancements were made possible through the power of GoogleColors. The glorious GoogleCity you are now experiencing for the first time is our Dear Leaders' crowning achievement. Their vision is to bring GoogleColor to the rest of the world. No more wars, corruption, starvation, or waste. It is now within our power to eradicate cancers through the use of GoogleColor. We are on the cusp of curing blindness through GoogleColored Eyes. In our GoogleLifetimes, we may see the end gender identity segregation and apartheid through the proper application of GoogleColor.

GoogleFam... These are exciting times. This is why you are here today. This is why you are part of our world now. This is the beginning of your GoogleAdventure of your GoogleLifetime!
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Default 09-02-2015, 10:17 AM

Thanks for this
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Default thanks for the best! - 09-20-2015, 08:33 AM

thanks for the best!
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